It feels like it’s been raining forever! And it’s supposed to continue. If it continues at this rate then we all know we were late getting started on that ark.

Yesterday morning I was nearly in the vicinity of annihilation. LOL I was about 5 minutes from our offices, downtown, stopping by Bagelheads for my morning latte when I received a voicemail from my friend, Heather. (The phone never rang, just the voicemail came through.) Her message said, “I know you don’t have a tv and all, and I really hope you are not driving downtown on your way to work. There are supposed to be tornados downtown in like 15 minutes.” She had left the message about 10 minutes before. I was like, well damn… Since i’m this far, I might as well keep going.

While coordinating the rolling down of my window with the Bagelheads girl I asked her if she heard anything about tornados. She said that she had not, but that she had not checked recently either. When we coordinated the rolling down of the windows the next time and she gave me my coffee, she said, “I just got hit with hail tho, so be careful. As I pulled off I heard the distinct sound of, “thud, ta-tink, ta-tink, thud” as Betty took a beating from the hail and the wind picked up.

I made it the rest of the way downtown, an additional 4 minutes. (Time lag due to the weather.) When I turned off on to the road near my office, (Jefferson, south of Main Street for you locals), it was flooded like a river. The funny thing was that you could see there was water on the road, but you couldn’t tell how deep it was until you were in it. It was up over Betty’s tires. At first i was like, I’m glad I’m in my truck! she can take it… and then I started watching the other cars ahead of me. My thoughts then became… uhm, not so much. I threw betty in reverse and did a quick three-point turn around. I went one block over and the road was clear. By the time I got to work yesterday morning, I was pretty much a nervous wreck. LOL

This morning when I woke up, the doppler radar was the first thing I checked. When I saw another big red line running north and south across Pensacola, I did not think twice about going back to bed for another half hour.

So, in honor of our weather… which really just makes me want to nap and lounge around all day, I say we dig in on some Stevie Ray Vaughn… The Sky is Cryin’. I also threw in my other all-time-favorite SRV song just because.

If you can’t enjoy the sunshine, you might as well dig the rain.

By the way… the entire soundtrack to the album good… not great, but good. Still, there are some other outstanding tracks such as “Melody Cool”, “The Question of U”, “Thieves in the Temple”, and “Still Would Stand All Time”, just to name a few. If you have time, it’s definitely worth the listen.

We stopped for Gas about 65 miles outside the city. When I pulled up next to the pump, we were a bit oblivious to our surroundings and I leaned over and gave my girl a kiss. We were interrupted by a shrieking “Whoooot!” This was then followed by an “Ooowww!” We snickered a little and rolled our eyes. I then got out to pump the gas while my girl went on into the store to seek the ladies room. She came back out and around to the back of the truck to tell me that it was out of order and also that Dude thought we were hot. We had another good laugh.

As he came out of the store the hoots and hollars continued. We were both amused but also thinking… “oh my god, really?” I vaguely recall saying that loud enough that I thought he might could hear me. The kicker was when we were leaving. We both climbed back into my truck and were buckling up when Dude was leaving and drove past us. As he did, and as i got my first good look at this character. He let out another shrieking “SEeeexxxyy!!!” Then he made the “i love you” sign with his hand and proceeded to let his tongue hang out as drove past. We died laughing… the guy who was so kind as to share his adoration with us could have been the guy below or his brother.

So, do you think his Mom is proud? Do you think his sisters appreciate having a guy like that in their life? LOL We appreciated the laugh, but lets just say is wooing prowess left much to be desired. What an idiot! Hahahaaaa…

This last weekend I road tripped it with my girl to Atlanta to see the final show of another of my high school friend’s band, Homeroom, and also to visit some other friends. The boys were awesome and a good time was had.

Due to all these travels, as you may have noticed, I have neglected my blog site. I apologize; I really do, but i was just exhausted. LOL I suppose I am feeling my age, but between the trips, the partying, and the catch up at work, I just did not have it in me. I am hoping that I will be able to get things back on track going forward. Bear with me please…

Yep, that’s right. Me, in my infinite wisdom, decided i needed to hurle myself through time and space at an average altitude of 35,000ft. Do you know how long it takes to FALL from #$%%&^% 35,000ft? Aack! The flight is not until tomorrow night at 5pm, and I’m sitting here at my desk, my palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, my stomach is doing flip-flops. God this has got to stop!

What happened to my sense of adventure, for crying out loud?!!? I used to love this; I loved the idea of going on a trip and exploring new places, visiting friends. I am not going to let this beat me. I am just not going to allow that to happen… Ugh!

As amusing as it may seem to those of you that know me, I post this with no shame. It helps me, and maybe it’ll help someone else out there: Free Online Fear of Flying Course Check it out… it’s worth it.

It’s only noon and I need a drink… LOL

Wish me luck and I’ll keep you posted on the trip. It promises to be a fun one.

I chose Love Song, a great song by The Cure, covered here by 311, as today’s song because it is nearly 70 degrees outside and I am summertime jonesin’ hard. I have spent many a Saturday afternoon dancin’ to this one in the sand and I hope to do that again very soon.

In the mean time, this and a good memory will have to do… Enjoy.

Love Song, 311

I have felt as though I had lost my joie de vie, and with good reason. As I look back over the last twelve years, particularly this last year, I am a bit amazed. I am amazed that I have navigated, survived, and am still standing. But now, once again, I feel, as clichéd as it may be, that I am at one of Oprah’s crossroads. Since Dad’s passing I have felt a multitude of emotions. Many different perspectives and realities have been swirling around me as though the cosmos was waiting for me to choose one; to choose the perspective of the path I am to walk going forward. It was very tempting to give up, to wallow in disappointment and pessimism, to sink into bitterness and despair. It would have been easy to do, almost warm and comfortable. I was nearly there when this nagging little reminder in the back of my mind refused to be silenced. It would rear its annoying little head like an “I told you so” at the most inconvenient times. Like when I would be happily giving a bad driver the finger as I passed, only to look back and realize it was a little old lady. Or when I would be all ready to give someone hell at the drive through for having so much trouble taking my order, only to drive up and see that the employee was mentally challenged. The voice was simple and to the point, and for me completely unavoidable. It said, “this attitude would not make your father proud.”

Dad’s legacy is his lust for life. He loved life. He loved the adventure of it. He was also a man of honor and duty. He oozed humor and compassion; he oozed joy. And my bitterness was simply not how I had been raised. I have decided to honor my father’s memory the best way I know how. I have decided to lay my bitterness down. I have decided to be better than I am now, to become more than I am now. And, what better time to do so then at the beginning of a new year? It also happens to be fairly early in my 30th year on this planet. Fitting, I feel, for a new start. Please understand that this is not a list of resolutions only meant for 2009, but rather a reminder to myself of the things I want to refocus on and cultivate within myself as I continue to grow and change in this life. It is a reminder to myself that I am, each day, who I choose to be.

I choose to be healthier. The best way to honor my father is to learn from him, to learn from his mistakes. Watching him lose is mental capacity, watching him loose the ability to use his own body, watching him nearly die traumatically from a collapsed lung, was horrific. Cancer is scary, painful, and very sad. I cannot in good conscience continue to smoke. This will be a life-long effort, but a necessary and worth-while endeavor nonetheless. I choose to exercise, eat healthier, and make my physical health a priority. A strong body is a strong operating system and efficient house for the heart and mind. The body is a vehicle with which the soul travels through this life. If I am going to last, I had better invest in my own physical maintenance. I choose to work at cultivating more compassion within myself and to work on being more compassionate toward others. I choose to make an effort to try to empathize with those I know and meet, consider their experience and perspective. I choose to work at being more kind to others, to be gentler in my interactions with others. I choose to work at being kinder to myself, and not quite so hard on myself. I will work to be more understanding toward, as well as to have a better understanding of, myself. I choose to work at being more open and receptive to personal growth and those that can foster personal growth within me. I choose to work at opening myself to new experiences and to practice allowing myself to experiment and to try new things. I choose to work at living spherically, to broaden my range of interests, to open and expand my own horizons. I choose to work at trusting my own instincts, believing in my own knowledge and experiential history enough to know that I am capable of making sound decisions and good judgments. I choose to work at trusting others more. I choose to practice at being more open with my emotions; I will work at having more faith in people. At the same time, I will work at being more selfish, to work at putting my needs first since I often, to my own detriment, do not. I intend to work hard at being truly congruent with myself. I will remember to carry gratitude in my heart. I will carry gratitude for the adventure of everyday for the beauty that surrounds me, for the blessings in my life, for the good love of friends and family. I will carry gratitude for the smiles of those I love and for the laughter we share. I will remember that joy is contagious and I will work to share and cultivate it whenever possible. I will laugh often. I will work to let positivity and goodness influence and guide me while working to be less controlled by fear, doubt, and disbelief. I will work to reengage in life from an open and positive perspective. I will work to pay more attention to my environment and surroundings, to the people and circumstances that surround me, to current events. I will read more. I will make an effort to be safer, and to take less risks. I will make an effort to appreciate myself more, to allow myself to indulge in the occasional frivolous purchase, to take more bubble baths, to be better rested. I will be on the lookout for opportunities to give back, to contribute positively to society and to my fellow humans. I will make an effort to grow professionally. I will work to be more fiscally responsible, conservative, and to plan to for my financial future. I will travel more, road trips or otherwise. I will remind myself that I am only a conduit and I will remember that the Gods will put me where they need me and that I must only open myself and let go. I will smile and ask myself, WTFWBD?

I have come to understand that people don’t change. For example, while I’m quitting smoking, I’ll always be a smoker. In a sense, I will always have to be quitting. I will have to remain vigilant against the constant addiction. But, I have also come to understand that sometimes, life changes people. Sometimes it happens quickly with the rash speed of a tornado forever altering a townscape, or slowly like a river washing against stone adding depth and character until the ravine has become a great canyon. Change is scary and painful but, I have come to understand that what excites me and makes me happiest is progress. Growth or change, for the better, is what drives me because I want to see what’s next! Hopefully, these efforts will foster my own growth and propel me to the next level. The journey will continue…

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The Sister: brilliant my love!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008
An Open Letter to My Sister
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life

[Names have been removed to protect privacy ]

The Sister,

I heard a saying recently; I wish I could recall it word for word, but of course, I cannot. I am going to tell you my version of it, even though it is all wrong. I think you will still understand why it resonates so deeply with me, particularly for you. It goes something like this.

God called (insert favorite Archangel name here), and says unto him, “Hey, come here. I want you to go down and check on our girl (insert human name here).”

The Archangel, (insert favorite Archangel name here) replies to God asking, “What’s wrong? Is she in trouble?”

And God said, “No, it is worse. She’s discouraged.”

I am your sister; I know you better than God in some ways and in others, I don’t know you at all. But, as your younger sister, I think you might agree that I have been the most constant witness of the goings on of your life. Sometimes I witnessed things closer than others. Sometimes you probably wish I were not around to know about some of them. I have that feeling often, particularly when my mind flips through the multitude of trips, head-bumps, walks-into-walls, and all the other embarrassing memories of my childhood and early adulthood that you had, and continue to have as they occur, the privilege to witness. While we can share our lives with the people that pass through them, the reality is that you are the keeper of the story of my life and I am the keeper of yours.

I want to tell you what I have witnessed. I have seen you in our youth be everything I ever wished to be. You were the fiery, beautiful, sexy, young red-head that had mastered cool at only 16. You walked with fearless pride knowing that everyone wanted you and wanted to be in your presence. As we got older, I remember how everyone loved you, and loved me by proxy, when you would take me to Seville or Rum Runners on teen night. You had gone out into the world, made your presence known, and received the attention and adoration of your peers and many adults too. You repeated this throughout the years through the changing environments and cultures. You made people laugh. You made people light up; you still do.

Your life changed when you returned to the States. I was still in Brazil so my collection of memories for this time is limited. What I do know of this period in your life, and of many other periods in your life, was that it was scary, emotionally traumatic, full of unknowns, and very little support. I also know this. You survived. You are still here, with experiences good and bad; you are still standing.

You and I have made many choices in our young lives. Both of us have been rash, acted poorly, and made our share of mistakes. But, this is only, really, the beginning of our lives. We at this early age still have a long way to go. And at some point along the way we both have to take a few important steps. We have to forgive ourselves. Yes, that is right. We have to let ourselves off of the hook for things we have said and done in the past. We must look back at our accomplishments, both great and small, and embrace them as our own. We must look back at all of the fears we have overcome, challenges that we have faced, and take a deep breath and be proud. Only then can we move forward, because it is these actions that will give us the strength and the continuing belief in ourselves to carry on.

I still have fear. Everyday more responsibility is laid at my feet. I can only hope and pray that I am making the right decisions. I do the best I can but, what if I fail? Well then… at least I tried. I see you doing this now. I see you trying to move forward, trying to make healthy and positive decisions. And I want you to know that, I am right there with you. The content of the types of decisions I have to make may be different. But we are at the same place and you are not alone. And I want you to know that your effort is noticed, appreciated, and will pay off in the long run.

I believe you are highly intelligent. Actually, between the two of us, I have always believed that you are much more intelligent than I. I believe that you are capable. I believe that you are courageous. I also want you to know that the obstacles you face are not insurmountable as they would have you believe. With my whole heart I believe to the point that I say, I know, that if you continue to walk the positive path making the decisions your heart and mind know are right, as you are doing now, you will walk through your obstacles and they will simply fade behind you. And once again you will be able to look back and say to yourself, “Yeah, I did that.” And once again continue to more forward.

I have no Angel to send to rescue you, though I know you need and long for it. If I did, she would ride in on her flying steed and whisk you away to peace and prosperity. I would gladly send her, and with all of my heart I wish I could. What I can do is love you and tell you, please do not be discouraged. You are doing the absolute right thing for yourself and you have my full support. And I am confident you also have the support of many others, friends and family alike.

Of the few lessons I have learned in my life that I actually did learn on my own is that if you invest in yourself first the cosmos reacts. People begin to invest in you as well. Things that you need, introductions that are helpful, suddenly begin to appear. Invest in yourself first, and the cosmos will invest in you. However, the obstacles will appear to try to keep you down. But luckily, you have already a leg up on the obstacles. You have already made your decision and have chosen a healthy and positive direction, or path. Now you must stay the course and follow through.

I know that you know all this. I also know that reading this is somewhat akin to that whole skin-on-skin weirdness you have. LOL But it needed to be done, my dear. I know that you are capable. I know that you have plan and can stick to it. But I thought, maybe, just maybe, it would help you on your journey to see in print that I believe in you and am very proud of you.

I love you.

Jamille

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H2 Wrote: Profound, absolutely profound writting skills and I love you and your sister! Honored to have you both in my life. (((((((The Sister))))))) & ((((((Jamille)))))). Go [The Sister] GO!!! You too egga.

The Mother Wrote: I love you, my brave, beautiful, wonderful Girls!! I’m sitting here all alone in my office – crying my eyes out!!
MOM XX

Bambi Leatherthong wrote: You Jamille are just as amazing as your sister. I hold you both close to my heart and in the highest esteem of my respect. You both at one point or another have been my angels. I pray that i have and can be the same for you. I love you.

Our Prince song of the day is the above. I hope you will click on it the link and give it a listen. This is a song that undoubtedly shows the breadth and range of The Man’s song writing capabilities. It was chosen for our “song of the day” by TOWSRN since we’ve been on the phone now for about two hours.

When I asked her what her favorite Prince song was, she said like a shot: Sometimes it snows in April. I pulled it up to remind myself of it and also pulled up and read the lyrics. I said, “No, i think this is a bit too sad. Tell me why you love it.”

To which she replied, “I know it’s sad, but that’s not why i love it. I love it because it reminds me to take stock and to value my relationships.”

It was a convincing enough argument for me… I hope it reminds you to do that as well.